Thursday, April 1, 2010

Holiday Greetings

April Fools is my favorite holiday of the year, a fact which has my family annually cowering in terror.

I look forward to this day with tremendous (and sadistic) anticipation. Christmas is enjoyable, yes, but it doesn't quite attain that level of bliss and euphoria that can be only gotten from a truly magnificent day of practical jokes.

This year, why, this year, has been one of my best yet.

Examples of greatness in action:

Example #1:
Mum: "Hello?"
Me (with thick Southern accent and voice lowered a few pitches): "Mrs. K---? This is Mary from the Sports Club. When you were walking out of the gym this morning some articles of clothing fell out of your bag, and we weren't able to catch you before you left. We just wanted you to know that they are here at the front desk for you next time you come in."
Embarrassed pause coming from the other line followed by nervous giggle: "Oh thank you for letting me know. Can you tell me what fell out?"
Me: "Um, some support underwear ma'am."

Example #2 left on the answer machine of my unsuspecting uncle:
"Hello, this is Gail White from the Internal Revenue Service. I am calling to let you know that we found some discrepancies in your tax filing. Please call me at . . . .(my phone number)."

Hearing the audible enraged breathing and "click" that was left on my answering machine was priceless.

Example #3 left on the answering machine of my soon-to-be-married sister:
"This is Mary from the Four Seasons, and I regretfully have to inform you that there has been a most unfortunate mistake, and we have double booked the hotel for the date of your wedding. We can either move the wedding to another available Saturday, or we can offer you a discounted rate through our sister company, the Motel 8".

This one was especially fun, because shortly after leaving the message I received this email:

"Please tell me that my sister (Rachel) is playing an April Fools joke on me....

I just received a call (left a vmail) from a Mary something (couldn't understand last name) with a southern accent who said that she was calling from the Four Seasons to "unfortunately let me know that they were double booked for our wedding on May 29th and to call me back right away and ask for Mary "something".

I really didn't react much, other than listening to the vmail again to figure out who was calling me - but interestingly enough the phone number had a 815 area code (same area code as my sister Rachel in Freeport, IL)....the same sister who lives for April Fools Day....the same sister who will be killed later....

Now, obviously if I'm wrong, then that would really suck....

~ later ~

It has been confirmed. April Fools is Rachel's favorite day - she makes a holiday out of it.

Susan - please mark off one more bridesmaid (make that matron of honor) from my wedding party.

I'm sending a bounty hunter after my sister Rachel. Death becomes her.

She even blogged it! Suh-weet!

(You know how they say never to bargain with terrorists because it only encourages them? I can't WAIT for next year, bwahh-haa-haaaaaaa!)


Kit-bert: "semi" eevil HR Director said...

if you Google the word "EVIL" your picture pops up.

not surprising....

~from your soon to be married sister and soon to be kickin' your ACE

Flipfloppingmamma said...

You are a freak!!

Dawn said...

I was REALLY hoping you were going to pull a joke on Lynn. Something that involved evil breathing chickens outside her window or something....sigh.

Rachel said...

That's awesome!! I love it. Thanks for doing us prankers proud!