Monday, May 12, 2008

Optimistic Thinking

Although I'm not really due until Thursday, I find that the last week before the due date is especially difficult. (We won't yet mention what should happen to my fragile grasp of sanity if baby should decide to come late. It's too horrific to contemplate . . .)

To cheer myself up from the constant ache and almost-constant pain in my lower abdomen (does he really find it necessary to grind his head against my pelvic bone?), I am making a list of things that I am looking forward to.

After baby comes, I'm really looking forward to:

* Painting my toenails
* Actually getting to see my toenails
* Sleeping on my back
* Sleeping (although, I'm fully aware that getting a good night's sleep is still far in the distance . . .)
* Breathing (my own personal theory is that pregnant women are so oxygen-deprived they can't think clearly. This is why we want to go into labor. Any normal, sane, oxygen-sated woman would run screaming from the room.)
* Sitting without feeling like I'm bouncing on baby's head (sorry for the gross mental picture that might create.)
* Standing without feeling like I'm going to fall backwards from over-compensating for the ballast in front
* Being able to say, "I'm feeling fine, why thank you for asking!" without worrying whether or not this is a lie fit to damn me forever
* Being able to play my violin without the bow constantly poking me in the stomach. If you're a musician, you'll know what I mean when I say that I've had to stick to songs that are played primarily on the D and G strings.
* Being able to reach the van steering wheel without arm extensions

Patience, patience, patience, must be my mantra . . . .

Excuse me if I don't answer if you speak to me . . . I'm trying not to kill anyone . . .

Patience, patience, patience, serenity, calm . . . .

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

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